…worse than pond scum…
Last night I was in rare form. My evenings have been a bit wonky and I keep meaning to go swimming, but we finally went to check about our mobile phones. See if we could get a new plan and the Boy’s phone is starting to break. I turn into a monster. In those situations where I am up against the rules and hoops that you have to jump through. Abet a soft fluffy one with no teeth, but a monster nonetheless. The Boy kept trying to placate me, because he is horrified to see me act that way. Sullen, like a child that got their toy taken away and was pouting. Finally we left and really we never needed to go in the first place. I held onto that anger. Then I was angry and sullen because Boy called me out on my awful attitude. My worst act of the night was on the way home. We were standing on the platform and a train was coming so we were walking with the crowd to the doorway. There was a woman on my right that kept saying, “stay right behind me, stay right behind me, stay right behind me, again and again, over and over. All I could see was the top of the head of the person behind her. I thought her friend was just short and so we walked on the train. She sort of stopped at the doorway I like to go into the center because usually there is more breathing room. I couldn’t see the lady anymore and I rolled my eyes at the boy and said ‘how annoying’. The Boy looked at me with a little horror in his eyes for the second time that night and then whispered in my ear, “she has a down’s child.’ I thought how much more of a horrible person could I be. Worse than pond scum. So as of today I am going to take a deep breathe every time I want to lash out at someone. Because the next time I am afraid I might do something even more horrid. Painting for friday still on the way. Needed to get that off my chest. Need to hold myself accountable.
October 28th, 2005 at 1:33 pm
Oh, Wendy, how funny! I do crap like that all the time. I have a big huge foot hanging off my chin at any given moment.
No need to kneel on grits for that one, embrace the pond scum within;)
October 28th, 2005 at 8:45 pm
oh you aren’t pond scum. having a bad day and being a little irritated does not = pond scum! esp. since you are more than willing to admit your faults
we have all done or said or acted in ways that we wished we hadn’t. so it goes!
October 30th, 2005 at 6:41 pm
The deep breath thing works good for me. It gives me time to reflect on the reality we seldom have all of the information we need to understand the actions of others.
But you know…you have to let go of this resistance to the “rules and hoops.” Although all of that stuff can be really frustrating, you cannot let it define your day. Remember, it is only you that can let that stuff spoil your day and being angry about it seldom makes it any better.
November 2nd, 2005 at 12:09 pm
I think it only qualifies as pond scum if you don’t realize what you’ve done after it’s been pointed out to you. Therefore, you don’t qualify.
November 12th, 2005 at 10:36 pm
How honest you are Wendy. This sounds just like me; I allow irritation and anger to overtake me and I’m often horrified later because I’ve been so grumpy and impatient with people I don’t even know. I found a mantra for myself that works a little in those situations, “everyone is just trying to get through the day.”